Would you date someone who was molested as a child?

ConrannexSpeak for yourself. A lot of people care about that, it's not your place to say otherwise.
Virginity would be a part of the matter, yes, but I'm thinking more specifically about mental issues, here.

Jesus it's not the middle ages anymore, wake up already....Also, here are several threads tackling similar issues:http://forum.romulation.net/index.php?topic=12895.0
http://forum.romulation.net/index.php?topic=35491.0EDIT:Err, let me rephrase my posts as I seem to sound a bit rude.What I mean here is that virginity "may be" a plus factor but in today's world it no longer holds that much of an importance compared to during the middle ages. And to be honest, seeking/asking for virginity is so one sided & unfair to women. Yes, I'm stating it to be unfair to women as they are the ones who have clear indication for maintaining their virginity. With us men, we can say *cough* lie *cough* that we're still virgins even if we'd screwed 20 or more chicks already & get away with it, but with women, they can't, unless they undergo cosmetic reconstructive surgery.Also, virginity is not just bound to the physical state of a person, you can also lose your virginity or what I rather call your innocence of anything sexual by accidentally watching porn. Or having learned of the notion of sex in a Sex Ed class/subject/course in school.

ParanoiaAgentIf you like the person enough, I'd think you'd be able to cope with something beyond their control.

It can have serious impacts upon a relationship and as I said, if I was already in a relationship with them when I found out my answer would probably be different.

ToffeeI REALLY hope people will still do.I was molested as a child, and yes, there are some deep emotional scars that, sadly, will never go away.
But, looking at myself, I see no reason why anyone would be turned off by the fact that I was molested way back then.I mean, it's not like I've turned into a psychopath or a rapist or anything. It's just more baggage for me to deal with than others.
And besides, if I myself can handle this, why can't anybody else, who haven't even experienced it, can't?And if I ever do manage to find a girl (which would be very difficult due to me being awkward as fuck around pretty girls), I would say it straight up that I have that sort of past. That way, I can know right then and there if they're the type of person who'll be bothered by that sort of thing, rather than finding out about it right in the middle of the relationship.

You have an admirable approach to this and you're a special case where you can efficiently deal with it, but in that case, I wouldn't recommend putting someone off just 'cause you're different. However, it is nice to know beforehand.[quote="2DamCerius"][color=navy]O.O Excuse me for just a second,

Spoiler

Okay well it be alright to go out with him/her. In such a case the person will get all the comfort her/she needs from each other. I cannot ignore that fact the person was molested, but I would hunt down the person responsible for emotionally scarring such an innocent child.Starting with a long hitlist...
[/quote]You're an idiot, I'm not even going to bother responding to you.

msgMental issues could come from anything from their childhood, death of a relative, parents divorced, parents alcoholism, seeing a bad car accident or bullying. Would you date someone thats had any of these?
Just because its a touchy subject doesn't mean the victim should be treated in a different way, thats prejudice.

Again, I'm using this more as a template/example for the subject. I don't [b]care[/b] about 'prejudicing' anyone. Not to mention using the term 'prejudice' in this subject is just clearly bullshit. That's like saying "You shouldn't tease me about falling over a rock, that's prejudice!". Yeah, something happened to them, it wasn't really their fault, so what? It's happened and things have happened as a result of it. It's not prejudice. If somebody has a mental issue due to being touched or whatever, they still have a mental issue and it's not something you really want in a relationship, is it?

ToffeePeople expect people who were molested to HAVE mental issues though. Even my closest friends still shy away from harmless sex talk when they're around me, even after I've told them multiple times that I'm fine.

Can't blame people for getting cautious.

insanecrazy07Typically these people are more prone to mental disorders, mainly PTSD comes to mind.It depends for me. If they have these repressed memories and it affects MY relationship with her, then I'd say no.

See? That's more of a rational way to go about it.

2DamCeriusWell that is disconcerning and condescending from the fact that people shy away from such a misfortune. The past in the their childhood cannot be undone, but when the people around
treat an average person with disgust or is at least frightened have to know more about the person. Making illinformed and rash judgements can do more harm than good towards some one who experienced unfortunate events.Like what msg said that would just be plain unfair and prejudice. Everyone wants to have a some sort of relationship, so just give them a chance to be themselves and not frown upon them.

Again, not replying to you, try harder next time, kiddo.

insanecrazy07To deal with emotional baggage or not to deal with emotional baggage. That's completely up to me. In fact, I can disqualify someone for whatever reason I want, too short, too tall, smells bad, too stupid, annoying laugh, possible product of in-breeding, too much exposure to heavy metals, is a carrier of an autosomal dominant disorder, blah blah blah whatever else I can think of.I can afford to be picky.
If this one doesn't work out, there's plenty of bigger fish out there.At least I gave one little condition at the end there, as long as it doesn't affect the relationship, then it shouldn't matter. My check engine light is on for the stupid O2 sensor again, but as long as it doesn't blow up my car, I don't really care.

Couldn't have put it better. In the end, it's your choice and people shouldn't get mad because they have less of a choice or because they're one of those people. ;]

2DamCeriusLet's turn the tables and say that you were the one who was traumatized by such an experience then what? Sure it's perfectly normal to look at a person's traits and abilities, but just as a consideration have some sympathy for the poor soul.What? So leaving a person who is emotionally wreaked is like not even taking the time to reason with. Some people could shrug off all the negative stuff so easily while others cannot do so. And comparing this thing to an O2 tank is too exaggerated, buddy! Don't expect everyone to be "built FORD tough."

Alright, I'll bite.
I've had baggage, I still do have a little baggage, but here's the thing. I fucking deal with it. You can't expect someone to try a relationship with you when you don't even put in the effort to make yourself worthy of one. Someone who can't put the effort in to improve themselves is not really someone you want to date is it? Then again, you're the type of guy who has to scrape the bottom of the barrel so by all merits, disregard what I said.

Replying to #21

Hey, white knight, Sir Sitalot. I'm thinking you're not the best person to tell anyone to wake up, am I right?Virginity isn't massively important but a partner's sexual history certainly is. The way they lost it, the amount of sexual partners they've had and the things they've done will have an affect on your relationship, believe it or not. Though, I'm sure you have plenty of experience with relationships, don't you, Cahos? ;]
Oh, and the whole lying thing? Really? I think it's good that it's easier for you to tell with a woman, especially since her hymen and how tight she is comes in to play with this. Now, please, think again before you of all people try to tell me to wake up, okay? :3c

Cahos Rahne Veloza · #21Jesus it's not the middle ages anymore, wake up already....Also, here are several threads tackling similar issues:http://forum.romulation.net/index.php?topic=12895.0
http://forum.romulation.net/index.php?topic=35491.0

You are aware that Conran posted in the first topic you posted?

Replying to #22

Would a virgin man know what classifies a vagina as tight or loose? Not only that every woman's vagina is different, some are bigger and some are smaller. Not only that multiple partners and different sizes don't necessarily mean the vagina will be loose, the vagina goes back to normal afterward. Frequent sex could mean that it actually makes it tighter since it exercises the vagina muscles. Something that actually causes the vagina to be loose? Not exercising the vagina muscles and arousal. Being aroused lubricates and loosens the vagina because the cervix moves up for intercourse to be more pleasurable to the woman.Also, Hymen's can tear a bit even before her first experience from intercourse.As for my opinion at the topic, eh, I'm a bit conflicted. While I'd not want to bother with someone's emotional baggage if they bring it to light frequently, but it depends how much I'm into the person. The tough love part of me wants me to think that if there is a break up and the break upper person says it's because of the baggage, that maybe the person will find a better way to cope with the problems, but I'm sure that's not always the case. As for anyone still being hung up on the virginity part of it, I'm sure most people who were molested and were a virgin before the incident still classify themselves as a virgin. Even then I don't see much of a problem with it since virginity doesn't mean much to me.Also, dicks vagina sex bumseks penis dicklips etc.

Replying to #23

I'd just like to point out that the post there was a complete and utter lie, I was trying to look cool for being an edgy 15(?) year old who had sex, I knew nothing at all, in fact I'm nearly 18 and still a virgin.And of course, the vaginal muscles my tighten from frequent use (unless under circumstances where something huge is entering it, e.g. a dildo with 10inches of girth) but it may also loosen, depending on their sexual partners, blahblahblah, I don't really care. I dislike promiscuity, hypersexuality and heavy-lust in general but I think everybody's realised that by now, nobody cares.Moving on, baggage is essentially one of the biggest points in this discussion, I agree, people don't want to deal with too much of it, it's a drag. I agree with tough love in a sense but with the kind of people who have such terrible baggage, are they really strong enough to deal with that?

Virginity was and still is associated with a woman's hymen being intact, not how tight or lose their vagina is, especially if you put the concepts of cultural beliefs &/or religion in the discussion.In some cultures such us in Ancient China, only "pure" virgin women are brought to the ruling emperor to become part of his harem, you could have such a beautiful face but if the court finds out that you are no longer a virgin you will not be accepted.In the Islam world, a woman can only be devirginized by the man she marries so if a woman partakes in pre-marital sex she could be excommunicated or in the worst case scenario killed for it. This includes hymenal breakage due to self gratification as well.These backward minded scenarios is the primary reason why I say that virginity should no longer be a major criteria for a relationship seeng that most people these days are liberal minded.

Replying to #24

Look whose talking... If you dwell to much on a person's past & whatever excess baggage they may have, including kids if the person you want to have a relationship with has them, you'll most likely end up as a lonely old bat. If you truly love the person, you can find the strength to share their burden they carry.

Replying to #25

I don't care about other cultures. I only really care about the intent and sexual history of someone, in a relationship. If they've lost their virginity and an admirable way, that's nice. If they gave their virginity to some 16 year old scrub when they were 13 is just vulgar. I also don't want to hear that a girl has casual sex and shit but this is going off topic.Can we drop this little virginity subject? I could rant about liberals and hedonists all day but that isn't constructive.

You could be a druggie, if you aim to reform then maybe.If you killed soemone in a car crash I would provided it's not on purpose.If you molested a child and I know it, I'll tell them to gtfo away from me and my brother, as sick as my mind get's I cannot tolerate such a crime, you could be a awesome person but once i hear this your awesomeness is invalid, because it means your mental state is lower than mine.And to be lower than me is obviously not a good thing...

Conrannex · #26I only really care about the intent and sexual history of someone, in a relationship.

Aren't you being a bit selfish for saying such a statement? What right do you have to screen someone in order to find out if they can suit your needs/ideals or not in a relationship. Being in a relationship is not the same as hiring/recruiting someone as an employee to a company where you can scrutinize someone if they're worth hiring or not.A huge part of being in a relationship is accepting both party's strengths & weaknesses including whatever baggage they may be carrying & if you can not get past one or the others' excess baggage then you probably shouldn't be looking for a relationship & enjoy your single hood.

Oh boy, a drama topic!Honestly, it'd depend on how into the girl I was AND how they handle it. Call me shallow or whatever (it's not like I listen to 99% of you) but sex is a part of any romantic relationship for me, and if there was absolutely no chance of getting any because (for instance) the girl's afraid of sex and just will not do it? That relationship's not going to work out. I don't intend to prostrate myself at the feet of any woman who'll date me and deprive myself of something major because she has issues, there's got to be some reciprocation somewhere so we can meet halfway.In contrast, if the girl had gotten over her issues, or was willing to put them aside and trust me? Then she gets shown that sex can be done the right way, and that her trust gets met with love and support.BY THE WAY this topic isn't "Would you date a child molester?"; FUCKING READ YOU BRAIN DEAD CHUCKLEFUCKS.

Replying to #28

The cool thing about relationships is that they're entirely subjective in regards to the people engaged in them. A girl walking around the house for a day wearing nothing but a collar and calling me "sir" might sound repulsive/degrading to the vast majority of you people, but I have absolutely no problems with it whatsoever.

Cahos Rahne Veloza · #28Aren't you being a bit selfish for saying such a statement? What right do you have to screen someone in order to find out if they can suit your needs/ideals or not in a relationship. Being in a relationship is not the same as hiring/recruiting someone as an employee to a company where you can scrutinize someone if they're worth hiring or not.A huge part of being in a relationship is accepting both party's strengths & weaknesses including whatever baggage they may be carrying & if you can not get past one or the others' excess baggage then you probably shouldn't be looking for a relationship & enjoy your single hood.

Another huge part of a relationship is YOU. Everyone is entitled to be a little bit selfish, why bother with someone else's baggage when it's starting to effect the relationship with YOU and the partner? If you're not happy about the situation and it's a problem then the person has a right to end it.At the end of the day, it's all about you. My husband would probably leave me if I put all my emotional baggage on him instead of me confronting the problem by myself. Would I blame him? NO, in the end it's my fault for letting that get in the way. The only way someone can get over something and cope is JUST THAT PERSON, handing over the problem with someone else won't result in a success, that becomes a dependency which is absolutely terrible for most relationships.

Conrannex · #24Moving on, baggage is essentially one of the biggest points in this discussion, I agree, people don't want to deal with too much of it, it's a drag. I agree with tough love in a sense but with the kind of people who have such terrible baggage, are they really strong enough to deal with that?

This is why I'm conflicted, no matter what I can't help but feel for the person.

OH OH ALSO I WANNA DO A THOROUGH REPLY

Cahos Rahne Veloza · #28Aren't you being a bit selfish for saying such a statement? What right do you have to screen someone in order to find out if they can suit your needs/ideals or not in a relationship.

Every right. It's my relationship, I can conduct it how I want. besides, there's always unconscious screening. I mean, for instance, I'm not hitting on Natalie because:- It'd be weird, she's like an awesome older sister to me
- She'd probably tire me out
- I'm not one for kids
- She's married already

Cahos Rahne Veloza · #28Being in a relationship is not the same as hiring/recruiting someone as an employee to a company where you can scrutinize someone if they're worth hiring or not.

Sure, that's what dates are for. I find out on a date that this girl desperately wants a kid before age 25? Yeah, no thanks.

Cahos Rahne Veloza · #28A huge part of being in a relationship is accepting both party's strengths & weaknesses including whatever baggage they may be carrying & if you can not get past one or the others' excess baggage then you probably shouldn't be looking for a relationship & enjoy your single hood.

Be that as it may, there are some things that just don't work for me, like the aforementioned "not putting out" problem. If a girl's not putting out, it'll eventually become a frustration that will compromise my relationship with her to the point where how I feel isn't going to override that. I'm just as much of a part of a relationship as my partner, so when it comes down to it eventually I will look out for number one. I'm just as important and if I'm not happy and the situation can't be fixed then there's no point in continuing.

Suiseiseki · #29A girl walking around the house for a day wearing nothing but a collar and calling me "sir" might sound repulsive/degrading to the vast majority of you people, but I have absolutely no problems with it whatsoever.

If only i could get my wife to do that...

...I suppose the only way now that I think about it if I ended up with one is if we had a relationship (Like that is gonna happen >_> ) for over a year or something and I found out via word of mouth/random news article/she told me herself.I'd then be pressed with a hard choice, it...is possible for one to reform, but I'd be faced with being a dick and saying get lost there and then or prehaps making sure they reformed before we went further...I guess the relationship would begin to break down at this point.Ignorance is bliss...if I don't know then it surly can't hurt, I believe few people would want to mention such a horrid fact...

Cahos Rahne Veloza · #28Aren't you being a bit selfish for saying such a statement? What right do you have to screen someone in order to find out if they can suit your needs/ideals or not in a relationship. Being in a relationship is not the same as hiring/recruiting someone as an employee to a company where you can scrutinize someone if they're worth hiring or not.A huge part of being in a relationship is accepting both party's strengths & weaknesses including whatever baggage they may be carrying & if you can not get past one or the others' excess baggage then you probably shouldn't be looking for a relationship & enjoy your single hood.

I can afford to be, I don't have to be in a relationship and I'm not lowering my standards or taking too many risks. Maybe you, Sir Sitalot, might have to, but I've been in a few relationships before and I'm pretty sure I know what I'm talking about. You're what, 30? How many people have you dated? A relationship is two-sided, you know?Sure, accept that people have problems and a little baggage but if they're not willing to help themselves or if they're in too bad of a situation then they're not really ready for a relationship, at least with someone like me.Oh, and have you ever heard of flirting? It's usually a pretty good way to learn about someone and see if you want to date them.

Suiseiseki · #29Oh boy, a drama topic!Honestly, it'd depend on how into the girl I was AND how they handle it. Call me shallow or whatever (it's not like I listen to 99% of you) but sex is a part of any romantic relationship for me, and if there was absolutely no chance of getting any because (for instance) the girl's afraid of sex and just will not do it? That relationship's not going to work out. I don't intend to prostrate myself at the feet of any woman who'll date me and deprive myself of something major because she has issues, there's got to be some reciprocation somewhere so we can meet halfway.In contrast, if the girl had gotten over her issues, or was willing to put them aside and trust me? Then she gets shown that sex can be done the right way, and that her trust gets met with love and support.BY THE WAY this topic isn't "Would you date a child molester?"; FUCKING READ YOU BRAIN DEAD CHUCKLEFUCKS.
The cool thing about relationships is that they're entirely subjective in regards to the people engaged in them. A girl walking around the house for a day wearing nothing but a collar and calling me "sir" might sound repulsive/degrading to the vast majority of you people, but I have absolutely no problems with it whatsoever.

I agree with you completely, not much else to say.

Natewlie · #30Another huge part of a relationship is YOU. Everyone is entitled to be a little bit selfish, why bother with someone else's baggage when it's starting to effect the relationship with YOU and the partner? If you're not happy about the situation and it's a problem then the person has a right to end it.At the end of the day, it's all about you. My husband would probably leave me if I put all my emotional baggage on him instead of me confronting the problem by myself. Would I blame him? NO, in the end it's my fault for letting that get in the way. The only way someone can get over something and cope is JUST THAT PERSON, handing over the problem with someone else won't result in a success, that becomes a dependency which is absolutely terrible for most relationships.This is why I'm conflicted, no matter what I can't help but feel for the person.

Some five star content in this post.

Suiseiseki · #31OH OH ALSO I WANNA DO A THOROUGH REPLY
Every right. It's my relationship, I can conduct it how I want. besides, there's always unconscious screening. I mean, for instance, I'm not hitting on Natalie because:- It'd be weird, she's like an awesome older sister to me
- She'd probably tire me out
- I'm not one for kids
- She's married already
Sure, that's what dates are for. I find out on a date that this girl desperately wants a kid before age 25? Yeah, no thanks.
Be that as it may, there are some things that just don't work for me, like the aforementioned "not putting out" problem. If a girl's not putting out, it'll eventually become a frustration that will compromise my relationship with her to the point where how I feel isn't going to override that. I'm just as much of a part of a relationship as my partner, so when it comes down to it eventually I will look out for number one. I'm just as important and if I'm not happy and the situation can't be fixed then there's no point in continuing.

Really couldn't have put that better. Again, five star content.

So, Conrannex, if someone told you they had been molested, but you got to know that person, and she didn't display any signs of emotial baggage, would you still not date her?

Replying to #35

Have you even read the thread. Of course I would.

2DamCeriusLet's turn the tables and say that you were the one who was traumatized by such an experience then what? Sure it's perfectly normal to look at a person's traits and abilities, but just as a consideration have some sympathy for the poor soul.What? So leaving a person who is emotionally wreaked is like not even taking the time to reason with. Some people could shrug off all the negative stuff so easily while others cannot do so. And comparing this thing to an O2 tank is too exaggerated, buddy! Don't expect everyone to be "built FORD tough."

You're making this harder than it has to be. They can have the trauma, or not have the trauma. Possessing it is not important. It's how they deal with it. If I were to date someone who has basically DEFINED themselves based on this particular trauma, and has associated this trauma with relationships in general, that date would be cut short, and a second one is out of the question.It is not my job to fix these issues for them. It's not my job to be their therapist. I've been here. I've done this before. It is a waste of time. The men of lesser value can have these.Now, if they've gotten past their trauma and they don't turn their relationship all dysfunctional, then they're just like everyone else, and they're more than welcome.

"would you date someone who has molested a child" is the topic title...I must be dumb because this seems more or less "would you date someone who has been molested" now.

insanecrazy07 · #37You're making this harder than it has to be. They can have the trauma, or not have the trauma. Possessing it is not important. It's how they deal with it. If I were to date someone who has basically DEFINED themselves based on this particular trauma, and has associated this trauma with relationships in general, that date would be cut short, and a second one is out of the question.It is not my job to fix these issues for them. It's not my job to be their therapist. I've been here. I've done this before. It is a waste of time. The men of lesser value can have these.Now, if they've gotten past their trauma and they don't turn their relationship all dysfunctional, then they're just like everyone else, and they're more than welcome.

Another great post, thanks for commenting! : D

Replying to #38

You butt monkey. "[b]Would you date someone WHO WAS molested AS A child."

[quote="Conrannex"]Another great post, thanks for commenting! : D
You butt monkey. "[b]Would you date someone WHO WAS molested AS A child."
[/quote]Oh, missed the a, I am a assman/butt monkey after all..Ahem, then in this case if the person if otherwise fine then yes, if they keep whinging about it, but don't listen to advice/make excuses then no.I'd treat them like anyone else, be a pain and all you get is.