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kimvamp · #1I walk down an empty streetWow. The depth and beauty of this poem is beyond reproach. kimvamp, are you some kind of literary genius?The empty street mentioned in the first line is a clear metaphor for what the poet considers the emptiness of life; the second line almost acts to counteract this melancholy, but the parenthesised “not” negates what can be perceived as hope. The social commentary in the next few lines serves to question the values of modern society; why is it that we do what we do? Where is the purpose, the meaning in it all? The comparison of sentient humanity to the uncivilised beasts that would be seen in a zoo suggests that getting caught up in the age-old rat race will, appropriately enough, turn one into a rat of sorts. The final line of the poem provides a solution to the perceived futility of the daily grind, however. The act of sitting represents calmness, peace and contentment. This relaxed deed is complemented by the equally subtle task of observation, which allows one to learn from and about others yet also presents a sense of detachment and disengagement from “the crew”. However, in an ironic reference to the second line of the poem, the “lol” at the end of the final line serves to negate the depression pervading the rest of the poem and, as a conclusion, acts as a precursor to the hope the poet (and reader) must have been searching for. Now, considering the structure of the poem yields further food for thought. The poem lacks a consistent iambic meter, and rhyming couplets are spliced throughout rather sporadically. This reflects the chaos of modern life that the poet is criticising, however, and serves to amplify the effect of the message within the poem.
thinking life sweet(not)
tell me whats so great?
All we do is wait for things
and pay for things too
and people act like there
from a zoo.So what do i do?
Sit and observe the crew lol
sylky0604 · #10did you just call me a weird ass??cause if you did I will euhmz cut the grass!!that would make me sadbecause cutting the grass with an electric lawnmower in the rain is bad :(I will get electrocuted and diewithout the posseblity to say...goodbyeI received a commission for comment upon this work, so here it is.Simply put, this poem demonstrates sylky's penchant for pathos. The first line presents the poet's sense of apprehension at being labelled "weird", which is something many of us can easily relate to. Lashing out, a threat is made in the second line; however, it defies expected conventions with its offer to instead complete chores. This juxtaposition of intent and method depict a schism within the poet's mental state that again evokes a sense of pathos. Ironically, the mental schism itself seems contradicted in the next two lines, as the poet presents not only a clear description of her emotions but sound logical reasoning for it. This causes the reader to question their own perceptions of the poet's motives. As a result of their empathy for the poet, readers are then forced to discern what it is that motivates them. The final three lines of the poem are significant in that the poet breaks her established structure to convey not only a blunt representation of the facts (which is in stark contrast to earlier parts of the poem, which force the reader to question their beliefs) but her true emotions regarding these facts; that is, the regret left after a premature death. The primary cause of this disintegration of poetic structure is the simple splitting of the final line; the segregation of the word "goodbye" to its own line allows it to take a newfound significance and emphasis. It also disrupts the final rhyming couplet in the poem, reflecting the disruption that comes about as part of and after one's death.By effectively blending honesty and mystery, sylky has successfully managed to present a series of unhindered emotions that allow the reader to empathise. The use of juxtaposition within the poem, however, also forces readers to ponder their own motivations, culminating in the final reminder of regret after death. All I can say is...kudos to you, sylky. Kudos.
:'(